I need a good stretch.

I am having such a hard time reading right now.

I am supposed to have the first section of Return of the Native read for tomorrow but it is next to impossible to plow through. I spent an hour on the first 10 pages!

Why can't everything I read be as enjoyable as, say, Harry Potter?

I made a personal goal to actually READ instead of skimming for tomorrow's class because I know that it's important. But this book is so wordy I have to read every paragraph six times before I can figure out what Thomas Hardy is saying!

I could effectively communicate the same things from the first two chapters a couple of sentences. And these sentences would be very, very concise.

Not only is it aggravating that this book is too saturated with detail, I also feel like Thomas Hardy has an incredibly false sense of self-importance (I think this might be my favorite personal insult).

He writes about doom and gloom like it's the happening thing of the 19th century. And that only he and a select few others are perceptive enough to fully embrace the meaning of life.

And maybe he's right. But anyone who has half a brain enough to get through his literary buffoonary falls into the catagory of someone who "gets it". He's insulting the intelligence of his own audience!

This will probably be one of those things where I will rail and gripe about how much I dislike this book, and then I will find out something in class tomorrow that completely changes my mind and I will enjoy the rest of it.

I hope so. That would be ever so lovely. I am terribly bored with my classes at the moment and would like something interesting to work on, for a while at least.

Yesterday was a fun day. I didn't have anything to finish for class today so I climbed with Courtney and practiced guitar for a while in the room. And I wrote a song about my unrequited love for the librarian in Belk.

I laugh every time I read it. Especially when I think about how creepy it is because I still haven't figured out his name.

I am going climbing with Courtney at seven and maybe?? swimming afterwards. I guess it depends on how tired I am and how badly I need to shave. I was going to decide whether or not to go based on the amount of reading I had left for class tomorrow, but that's a no go. I saved myself a lot of time and trouble and looked it up on SparkNotes (God bless them).

Easter break this weekend : ) I'm going to the beach with mom and dad and Remington. And I am going to read the sixth Harry Potter book. I'll have to get it from the library at home because all of the copies that belong to ASU are either checked out or they have been lost (sacrilige!).

Time to head back to the room and get some socks for those nasty, nasty shoes at the SRC. I have to hold my breath while I tie them.

Bye :)

Oh how I dearly love clean sheets.

Just got back to the room and cleaned up a bit. And I changed my sheets. Ecstasy!!

Today was fun. Kerri, Caroline, and Courtney (wow, thats a lot of hard c sounds) and I went to Blowing Rock for ice cream at Kilwin's. Because apparently The Country's Best Yogurt isn't good enough for Kerri. She's got to be all difficult and stuff.

But it's whatever. I got to finish her cone of Mint Chocolate Chip in addition to my cup of Peanut Butter Chocolate Swirl.

What a shame she couldn't eat it all herself.

Court and I went to Goodwill afterwards and found a couple of things. I'm excited to do my laundry so I can wear them!

This evening Logan made dinner for Caroline and me. It was deliciousssss. And then we went to the Black Banjo performance at Legends.

Caroline had to leave early because she has a project due tomorrow, but I had some other friends there so I stay for the whole thing. It lasted four hours! But it was still fun.

I just rested my head against my forearm and my skin smells like a baby...I don't know why...

Maybe it's my biological clock releasing my maternal pheromones and telling me that I am 20 and it's time to reproduce.

I am going to have to get that business reprogrammed. Considerably.

I thought about reading Harry Potter before bed time but I think I might be too sleepy.

I'm still hoping for good hiking weather tomorrow. But who knows at this point - we were supposed to have sun all day today and it lasted maybe an hour.

And then it rained. And it was cold.

Well I'm off to allow my fluffy, sweet-smelling sheets caress me to sleep! Good night :)

Today Was a Good Day :)

I got up and showered this morning, and made sure I looked presentable. 

I made a 93 on my science test. And I went to Cici's with a couple of friends for a Relay for Life benefit. 

I even finished all of my homework before 10 pm. Which is really impressive, considering that I had quite a bit.

And then a guy on my hall helped me finish restringing my guitar, and I watched  a movie with some people on my floor.

I know that's not a whole bunch of impressive, exactly, but it was so good. Really, really, really great, actually. 

It's so nice to start kind of liking myself again. I haven't felt this good about myself since Christmas, I think. Or maybe even the beginning of the school year in August. 

It is kind of shocking, in the best way possible, when people go out of their way to ask me if I want to hang out with them. 

I know I always talk about how badly I feel for people who don't really have much of a self-esteem, and it's a little disconcerting to realize how little I think of myself sometimes. And to realize how unhappy I have been with who I am for quite some time. 

But I think things are changing now. And I am really, really happy about it. Please keep me in your prayers - I know I have a long way to go. 

Black Banjo concert this weekend at Legends and a hike on Saturday.  MAYBE I'll even find the nerve to talk to the librarian who I am sooo infatuated with who doesn't even know I exist. And who doesn't know my name.

It's okay. I don't know his name either. Why, why, why! must I be so awkward around guys I don't know.

Especially when they are attractive.

I feel like the laws of the universe are working against me.

Fail, fail, fail. I love this librarian. 

Time for sleep - class at 9:00.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Late have I loved you, O Beauty, so ancient and so new, late have I loved you! And behold, you were within me, and I was outside, and there I sought for you, and in my deformity I rushed into the well-formed things you have made." -St. Augustine

The rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Woman, Power Jordan, my assault on the world begins now.

I'm going on an adventure today.


Well actually, it's not really an adventure, per say. I'm just walking to the bank.


But I think it would be more fun if I considered it an adventure, so I will. Yes, yes. I think I will.


I still need to unpack from this weekend, oh loathsome task that is before me. In a rush of spring-time induced frenzy I threw all of my warm weather clothes in a duffel bag and hauled them to Boone yesterday evening.


I have yet to unpack a single item of clothing. Except for the pants I am wearing today.


We are expecting snow tonight. I don't think I will be needing them any time that is soon-ish.


Ah well, if nothing else I will use them for decorations. My room will be festooned in swaths of electric color.


Perhaps if I dress for spring it will encourage the season to change more quickly. Or I could just be really cold all of the time.


I think perhaps I will buy some coffee on my walk to the bank this afternoon. Yes, yes. I think I will.


I am finalizing my schedule today for next semester, and I am feeling excited about my course selection. I didn't realize they granted honors students with priority registration, but they do. Not a single one of the classes I would like to take has more than one student already registered.


Hallelujah! No more fancy-schedule hopping for me.


Almost time for class and I need to run by the post office.


Bye.

I don't care if you are Saint Patrick himself, my body is off limits and if you try to pinch me I will be horribly displeased and will not be held responsible for the violence that will ensue.

Okay, so I know I said I didn't have anything to blog about approximately 15 minutes ago. But then I received an email from YL saying that we should be sure to wear green tonight in honor of Saint Patrick's day.

I hate. Hate. HATE. This holiday.

I have like, seven green things I could wear, because green is one of my favorite colors. But all of them are dirty because I like, do something weird where I wear the clothes I like more than the clothes I don't like.

So all of my green clothes, with the exception of an enormous wool sweater, are dirty.

It costs $5 for me to do laundry. I am not spending $5 on a half load of clothes just to appease some fanatical Irishmen, okay?

This is not Ireland. This is America.

Saint Patrick's Day is not American.

Don't pinch me.

There is nothing worse than being pinched. I don't care what you say.

I would rather have my fingernails pulled out one at a time than have someone pinch me.

I wish I could explain to you the surge of hatred and the adrenaline rush I feel when someone's fingers close over my skin in this specific way.

The rage I feel is somewhat akin to how a mother bear feels when you approach her cubs.

It makes me want to take someone's head off.

If you see me today and you pinch me, I will not be speaking to you for the next week.

So if you don't want to talk to me I guess pinching would be a good idea.

Anyway, I have to go straighten my hair.

Oh, also...I just blow dried my hair and now my room looks smokey? I feel like this is not a normal part of the blow drying process.

Hmmmm....

Okay bye.

I have a towel on my head.

I feel like I should have something to blog about.

Like my trip last week, for instance.

Normally I really enjoy sitting down and writing and I know my devoted followers (ie Grandma and Mom) are anxiously awaiting a new entry that will both fascinate and delight them.

I don't really have anything to say?

I know that sounds weird because so much has happened over spring break. I guess it just feels like there is so much to say I don't have anything to talk about.

Maybe later tonight.

I have YoungLife at 8:30. We'll see what happens.

John Mayer is Everything I Could Hope For From a Celebrity of Superior Intelligence and More and I Adore Him.

I just returned from the most amazing concert of my EXISTENCE.

I have loved John Mayer since I was in 6th/7th grade. And now he enraptures me.

I just want to meet him and tell him that his lyrical genius speaks to my soul and that I find his slightly too-excessive guitar solos to be mesmerizing and worthy of the title of a "spiritual experience".

And to tell him that even though he speaks his mind too much while in the public eye, his candid approach to life and his wise soul inspire me.

So do his biceps and his perfectly coiffed hair.

But whatever. Those are but secondary to the depth and height of my respect and enjoyment of his musical talent.

I love him.

I think I may have screamed how much I loved him at least 20 times during the concert. Like...maybe after every song.

I don't know. Ask Courtney.

I'm going to write him a letter detailing the extent of my affections for him.

In my fantasy world my letter will magically bypass the pile of fan mail that John Mayer himself never actually reads and he will wake up one morning to find it on his pillow and he will open it and read it and realize that my admiration is so flattering that he would like to meet me in person.

And he will send his personal plane to pick me up and we will meet in his villa in some exotic location with his extensive Rolex watch collection and his John Coltrane records.

And we will share a meal and form an everlasting connection that he will be unable to forget and when we gaze into one another's eyes in a platonic sort of manner (because he is too old for me) he will realize that I am someone he has been waiting to meet. And that I, too, inspire him.

And our collective admiration and respect for one another will blossom into a cloud over our heads and precipitate happiness down and around our souls and saturate our hair. His perfect, perfect hair.

And he will ask me to write song lyrics for him. And I will blush humbly and acquiesce and dino my way back to North Carolina feeling like that girl who turned sixteen today that got a kiss from him on the cheek during the concert.

That would be ever so lovely.

I like my imagination because it allows to me envision myself as a much, much cooler version of who I'd like to be, rather than who I really am. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah.

It is now 2:00 am and entirely too late for me to recount my spring break saga. Which was a delectable treat.

Class at 9:00. I am still wiped out from my adventure through the wilderness of backwoods Virginia during the wee hours of yesterday morning.

Time for sleep before I pass out in my desk chair. I just HAD to tell someone how incredibawelicious John Mayer was this evening.

AGKAFKLAJDLAKSDJASKLFADGJHAFJAHDFAJSFHASJHDSJASJKLASFAS.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

p.s. I am being serious about my letter. I don't even care if he ever reads it. I must do what I can to express my devotion and I will act in accordance to this demand.

Good Night.

Home. Red. App.

Sometimes I love my life. Like this past weekend, for instance.

Top Five Reasons Why Yesterday Was Awesome:

1.  I watched Hoodwinked with the Lobachs and Remington this afternoon.
2.  I took a bath and my shower gel smells like raspberries. Which means I smell like raspberries. Which means I smell amazing and I keep sniffing its amazingness.
3. I ate mashed potatoes and nachos with cheese for dinner. This fact alone is enough to make an evening great.
4. My cousin called me and we are planning on saving America together. I love his incessantly pessimistic optimism about our future, especially because he has included me in his plans for global domination.
5. I found a bunch of old CDs from high school while I was looking for blank discs to make a mix for the car ride with Court today. The CDs I found totally make up for not having any empty ones left. We are going to have such a sweet jam sesh on the way to Kentucky.

And I ended the evening with some Vonnegut and a good conversation. What a good day!

Top Five Reasons Today Is Awesome As Well:

1. I went to the dentist. I have never understood why people hate the dentist. I love having really clean teeth. I can almost feel them sparkling.
2. My grandma made Remington and me orange rolls this morning. Seriously, how cool is my grandma? She voluntarily came over here at 6:45 to make us breakfast. Who does that??
3. Courtney and I are eating lunch with my grandma before we leave. That’s right, two meals in one day. And lunch is chicken salad sandwiches or some such deliciousness. I don’t think very many people know about what a great grandma I have. I am naming my firstborn after her. Legit.
4. Court and I are road-tripping to Kentucky tonight to climb at Red River Gorge for the next couple of days. And by climb I mean Court will scale the wall like a monkey and I will struggle to boulder. But it’s whatever. Being outside after all this horrendous weather is going to be such a blessing!
5. Which brings me to point number five. I am sleeping in a sleeping bag in a hammock tonight under some beautiful stars (hopefully!), avoiding the shower for a couple of days and eating cereal with powdered milk until we go back to school on Sunday.Which is not something I am used to and feels a little crazy but I am so pumped to have an adventure! This spring break is going to be so awesome :)

Okay well Courtney should be here any minute now so I'd better sign off and make sure I am waiting!

Have a lovely week!

Bad Habit #1

I stay up too late.

I did this last year when I was at High Point for a while. But it was a lot worse - I'd stay up til 4:00 and then have to nap for three hours every day.

I haven't gotten to that point yet this semester. But it's becoming progressively closer.

I need to take more demanding classes next year. I am bored out of my mind. Maybe I will take extra hours?

More than anything I just really wish I would get an RA position. Or I want someone to shove some responsibility in my face - I need to feel needed.

I am also in desperate need of a summer job that pays well but will still allow me to take two weeks off to work at Duke Youth Academy. It feels like I am running out of time.

Spring Break in two days. The mere sound of those words causes a bubble of elation to expand so rapidly in my chest that I think I could float away.

Sometimes life makes me feel like a total failure. I'm so glad God's grace doesn't depend on where I spend my summer or how much college debt I graduate with or whether or not I can live off campus or if I feel really confused about who I am supposed to be.

He is good, He is good, He is good.

Blog 2Print

So apparently you can turn your blog into a book now. And you can even pick between hard and soft cover and for as little only $14.95.

The only thing more indicative of self-infatuation than having a blog is turning your blog into a book. And it's a little disgusting.

Coffee table collection?

I will freely admit that I am self-infatuated. Not in the sense that I am obsessed with myself because I think I am super awesome, but because I am lost inside my head most of the time. And this relationship I have with my mind is a love/hate experience; I love figuring things out and sorting through thoughts and feelings but I hate the way it can feel like I'm caught in a vortex with no outlet for escape.

Except writing. Writing is always an escape.

It's time for a nap. I am pretty exhausted after staying up all night.